Color Breathing 101

What is color breathing?

Color breathing is a coping skill that combines a little mental imagery with intentional breathing to help modulate intense feelings, stabilize panic, soothe pain, slow rapid thoughts, or even get you more grounded. It's an invaluable tool that truly everyone can use, but it's especially beneficial for those who struggle with emotion dysregulation, flashbacks, dissociation, and more. So, how do you do it?!

There are many ways to use color breathing, so not only is customization the fun part but it's also the key to its success! One of the most common ways folks use it is to first imagine a very calming color (perhaps deep blues or purples, or yellows and golds for others), then assign a color that matches the upsetting or painful emotions/sensations you're experiencing (maybe reds, oranges, or blacks). Slowly inhale the calming shade deep into your lungs. Watch it effortlessly locate all the areas of unrest, anxiety, or pain inside of you. See it just as easily envelope them, soothe them, heal them. As the color you see representing your distress gets extracted from every cell, space it invaded, or place it was radiating off of you, begin your exhale. Watch that color, in all of the shapes and textures it embodied, leave you with as long a breath as you can manage. It may leave in a rush, like it was almost expelled from your chest, or instead find itself slow and difficult to release as you contend with its resistance.

Repeat this deep inhaling and exhaling of colors until you feel more at ease. You may even find that the colors change a bit as you start to improve - with reds dialing back to oranges then yellows, jagged edges softening, or black tarry sludge becoming thinner, lighter and easier to lift out. This version is most commonly used for anxiety and panic attacks, anger or budding rage, and physical pain. But, some find it helpful for all overwhelming (or dysregulated) emotions - like grief, sadness, embarrassment, shame, or even apathy and numbness - similarly opting to inhale invigorating, light colors and exhale the weighted colors of misery, loneliness, or guilt.

Another method is to concentrate mostly on the exhale—inhaling any clear, healing breath, and with each exhale of the negative feelings, watch the colors change like a gradient. Shifting from bright fiery shades to cooler tones, or from dark, fully-opaque colors to light, whimsy translucence. This is particularly useful if you haven't been able to identify which feelings you're experiencing or have no idea "what you need" to make things better. You just know what you're dealing with is intense and you want it out of you. Quickly. So, instead, put all your energy into exhaling any highly active colors until you either get to the calmer end of the 'rainbow' or maybe can’t even see your breath at all. This can be a really effective way to still dial things down – or UP if you need the reverse to combat numbness!

There are many, many other ways to customize this tool to work best for you. The more you can truly visualize the practice and believe in its effectiveness, the more successful it will be! There are also countless ways to apply this template beyond the colors alone. Incorporate speeds for racing thoughts or pounding heart rates that need to be stilled and quieted. Bring in different textures, medicinal properties, magic or fantasy elements, sounds, or physical gestures to go along with the flow of your breath. Fully connect with your body and be active in shifting what it is experiencing. Help yourself feel more in control - of your emotions, your body, and your healing.

For those who are not naturally inclined toward creative imagery, have aphantasia, or don't yet know what to assign their internal experiences, holding physical objects - like color dials you've made for yourself or colorful photos you like or have on your phone - can be helpful. You can use them as both a reference, as well as a tool to manually change, that either matches the color you've just achieved, are aiming to get to next, or need to pull from for your current inhale. These are great ways to make this technique more accessible to you. Modify it to be exactly what you benefit from most!

How would you go about color breathing?
Sharing new ideas, suggestions, or personal experiences - especially from other survivors -
can often be just the thing that makes new techniques click for someone else!

Happy, easier breathing!

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
✧ Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

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The BASK Model of Trauma Memory

In previous articles, we have talked a fair bit about flashbacks, particularly offering several tools and strategies to manage them. We have also discussed the more specific and unique phenomena of Emotional Flashbacks and Body Memories — all in the hopes of providing a few ways to work through them! But, we haven’t taken a proper detour into the mechanism behind all flashbacks, to really solidify the ways traumatic memory gets stored differently from regular, unfractionated, safe memory. To do this, we look to something called The BASK Model of dissociation and memory.

When a traumatic event occurs, for many folks, strong dissociation steps in as a means of self-protection. It helps compartmentalize the experience, or cast parts of it far outside of conscious thought, where it cannot be reached. It would be too distressing to be fresh on your mind, or even easily-accessible, when you're trying to go to work or are just making dinner. But, memories are made up of a vast, colorful array of mental, physical, emotional, and sensory experiences! Simplistically, we recognize them in four main categories: Behavior, Affect, Sensory, and Knowledge (BASK). We break down each of these further in the graphics below.

Let’s break those down a little further!

• Behavior — What was the action in this memory? What did you physically do - or feel the overwhelming compulsion to do - with your body? Hide, flinch, run away, attack, duck/cover, stop speaking, yell, isolate, use self-destructive behaviors, go to a certain place, turn to stone, etc?

• Affect — What were your emotions in this moment - even those stifled or shut-off? Were you sad, afraid, angry, worried, calm, disgusted, helpless, ashamed, enraged, suspicious, defeated, conflicted, intimidated, or even entirely numb or apathetic? Try to discern them from what you feel about the moment today.

• Sensory — What were the sensations in your body? Racing heart, physical pain, thirst, trouble breathing, chills, numbness, clenched jaw, dizzy, sweaty palms, nauseous, muscle tension, off-balance/spinning, intoxicated, exhaustion, etc? Were you smelling anything in particular? Hearing specific things? Keys, footsteps, loud bangs, painful silence, whispering, creaking in a floor or door, cars, extreme weather, music, etc? Did you have any tastes? External feelings against your skin?

• Knowledge — What were you intellectually aware of at the moment (the who, what, when, where, how)? The narrative, information, sequence of events? Additionally, what were your thoughts at the time? Even those that you later found out to be incorrect? What did you believe was happening or think to yourself as this moment was occurring?

During the unconscious process of putting thick dissociative barriers around this extremely sensitive material, some of those pieces scatter apart into far corners of the mind. They may each be fully detached from one another or linked up in unique, and sometimes perplexing, combinations. We know that a defining trait of PTSD, and one of its criterion for diagnosis, is "re-experiencing". When we push anything out of our awareness long enough (like when we stuff our feelings or pretend they don't exist for awhile) - but particularly if we've had to traumatically dissociate it away - it is likely to be intrusively thrust upon us against our will at some point. ...aaand typically when we're most vulnerable, least expect it, and it's the most inconvenient!

When we look to the BASK Model, and some of the unusual pairings that traumatic information can become linked, you can see how having them suddenly surface and come alive in your body without other important contextual pieces, can be deeply disorienting. It is understandably confusing, sometimes quite scary, and often easier to explain away by a hundred other things. You can now understand how this can manifest in symptoms like Body Memories (S + sometimes B), Emotional Flashbacks (A), or the ability to recount your trauma to someone without a single emotion or attachment to it in the world (K without A, and sometimes no B or S, either). Conversely, you may have every single indicator of a deeply terrifying event - it’s erupting in your thoughts, your skin, your emotions - and you know a trauma has to be there by context clues alone, but you’ve got zero intellectual awareness of what it is or where it's coming from (B+A+S). These scenarios only magnify in complexity when they’re become additionally scattered amongst parts of self in DID and OSDD systems.

The goal of traumatic processing is to find and link - or integrate - all these pieces to one another into one full, complete memory, then further integrate them into your self-concept, your narrative, the story of your life. If you're missing any vital pieces, not only are they still likely to revisit intrusively, but you may be drawing incomplete or inaccurate conclusions about the very trauma itself or what it means in the broader context of your life. You may believe a certain person in your life is much safer or more helpful than they really are; that you "didn't even react" when you maybe did so in a very powerful way; that you're at fault, when you unequivocally were not; that what occurred never hurt or 'wasn't that bad', when it very much did and absolutely was; that you felt fine, content, or enjoyment, when you really felt anger, disgust, or betrayal. The truth may completely reshape how you see yourself and everything around you. There is so much to be gleaned from these pieces coming together, and you deserve to know them in full, even though they're painful and difficult.

You also deserve to have control over your mind - no longer at its mercy when it throws these things at you when your guard’s at its lowest. Until then, we hope the some of the tools we have offered elsewhere can help to mitigate some of their effects (such as Flashbacks 101, Healing Pool/Light, Color Breathing, or Imagery with Dials), and additionally arm you with a different kind of strength and control over your symptoms.

Let's help take that power back!

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
✧ Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

  ✦  Facebook
  ✦  Instagram
  ✦  Twitter

Self-Care 101: Featuring 101 Self-Care Techniques for Trauma Survivors

Self-Care

When you hear the term “self-care”, you may envision cozy blankets, warm mugs and a very Pinterest-y collection of activities fit for a #SelfCareSunday. In truth, self-care extends well beyond the simple comforts, yet for survivors of complex trauma, just achieving these moments of self-kindness can be a real challenge. It can even feel abrasive, anxiety-inducing or undeserved. We hope to be able to help you challenge those feelings while also offering a wide variety of options to explore at your own pace — from the most low-effort and temporary acts of self-care, to the most impactful, long-lasting, and self-honoring.

To start, let's define self-care:

So, if self-care sounds so life-giving and healing, why is it so hard?

As with anything related to trauma, it’s complicated. The reasons can be extremely vast and layered. However, for most who have survived recurrent childhood trauma, they’re often left with both a negative self-concept and a negative-world view. After being made to feel worthless, “bad”, shameful, as if they’re the one to blame, or their sole purpose in this world is to be hurt, just trying to think gently toward one’s self can create profound dissonance. More self-loving actions, particularly those physical in nature, can inflict a kind of pain or friction that almost feels intolerable or just plain “wrong”. However, while difficult, it’s still imperative that we try to rewrite those scripts and retrain our brains to accept the nurture and compassion we crave. The longer we deepen the pathways of self-neglect, self-hate, obsessive care-taking, people-pleasing, overwork, isolation, or self-harm, the harder it is to break free and the more displeasing it feels to try. And, unfortunately, when self-care doesn’t immediately “feel good”, we’re no longer incentivized to try again. But we must.

We cannot run on empty and we cannot live always scraping the bottom; we must give from the overflow. We are more efficient, more vibrant, clearer-thinking, more energetic, more loving, more patient, and more connected to others and the world when we’re satiated and restored. Just a small shift in that equilibrium can make us cranky or irritable, so chronically running on empty starts to cause irreversible damage — even at the cellular level. But, when we’re taken care of and thoughtful to ourselves and our bodies, we are not only healthier, we’re better humans to those we love and care about. Taking care of yourself has a ripple effect of positive change and influence. It can also be a corrective experience. Treating your body, mind, and spirit with love and kindness gives you a chance to feel the very things you were denied or didn’t know you needed. YOU have a chance to be in control and to be the benefactor of that gift — what a remarkable shift in dynamics from what you’ve always known. Self-care is active defiance against all who hurt you or trained you to hurt yourself. With every positive affirmation, loving touch, and self-protective act, you strongly reject and defy everything they drilled into you and hoped you’d feel forever. Reclaim your worth. It’s YOURS, not theirs.

Self-care is in no way selfish. It is an absolute necessity for all living beings. We deserve to feel well, nourished, secure, and forgiven. And, meeting our needs helps more than just us. Our loved ones want to see us fulfilled, and they enjoy seeing when we carry ourselves with lightness. Those needs, however, are in no way limited to what can be resolved with an adult coloring book or Netflix series. They’re complex and meeting them may require larger tasks such as setting appropriate boundaries, changing jobs, paying bills on time, scheduling doctor's appointments, ending self-harming behaviors, and so much more. Below, you’ll find a wide variety of self-care options.  We cannot wait to hear about your journey with greater self-empathy and learning the positive impact that taking ownership of your life can create.
 

101 Self Care Techniques

Here are 101 tools for practicing self-care! We’ve organized them by those that are somewhat more low-effort (things you can do from where you’re seated or while still fighting symptoms), to those that will require some planning, a trip outside, or considerable follow-through. They’re also loosely sorted by their impact as well. Some tools exist in short-lived bursts and just refuel the tank, others will prompt more significant, life-sustaining change over the course of years.

As always with trauma, not all of these suggestions will work for you. Some may be triggering or even exacerbate other mental health conditions. Use your discretion: take what you need and leave what you don’t. However, do keep in mind that just because something seems aversive or anxiety-inducing doesn’t mean it isn’t deeply needed or ultimately self-caring. This is especially true with the more involved actions. Not all will feel good as you complete them - in fact, few will. Despite this, the healing at completion is what’s worth the trial of pushing through the task.  So pace yourself, but also challenge yourself to not object outright just because something sounds scary or hard. The most difficult things can sometimes be the things you need most! Happy self-caring!

Low Effort / Impact

1. Take a 10-minute break from whatever you’re doing - work, house-cleaning, scrolling social media, etc - to close your eyes and, just, be. Perhaps add some mindfulness, imagery or meditation as you recharge.

2. Take a short nap. (Rest is often one of the primary things missing for survivors. Give yourself permission. It’s okay. You deserve a chance to turn off and feel less vigilant and tense.)

3. Apply body lotions, face creams and/or essential oils. Appreciate the scent. Pay attention to the kindness and attention you’re giving your skin and senses.

4. Listen to an audiobook or podcast.

5. Listen to a specific self-care oriented playlist.

6. Watch a light-hearted comedy show, stand-up routine, film or YouTube video.

7. Allow yourself a binge-watch session on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon.

8. Watch the live feed from the International Space Station (ISS).

9. Catch your favorite sport or watch re-runs of one of the best matches/games/meets. You already know the outcome, so limited attention is required, you just get to relive the excitement that you likely haven’t felt for awhile.

10. Enjoy your favorite snack or have one you rarely get to enjoy.

11. Text a friend or safe family member. Reach out.

12. Make a gratitude list or write in your gratitude journal. Express appreciation or thankfulness for some of the simplest things as well as the extremely significant things in your day/life.

13. List 10 things that… you are good at, that you like about yourself (or are learning to like), or reasons you are a good person and deserve care.

14. List 20 accomplishments you have made this year.

15. Repeat a personal mantra. Examples: I am worthy, I am enough, There are people who love me even when I am unsure of myself, I am innocent, etc.

16. Permission to not be perfect. Let the dishes stay in the sink, don’t make the bed, don’t vacuum, for just one night.

17. Take your prescribed medications. They help your body function optimally and give it what it needs. You deserve them.

18. Allow yourself to take PRN medications if you are in need.

19. Hydrate. Try limiting from caffeines, energy drinks, sodas, etc and boost your water intake if needed.

20. Spend some time with a pet: give them lots of snuggles, pets, walks, grooming, or play with them.

21. Use a weighted blanket, weighted lap pad, or weighted vest. Apply deep pressure or compression with other items if you don’t have these. Soothe your overstimulated nervous system and feel more rooted and grounded in your body.

22. Listen to music specifically with earbuds in. Allow yourself a chance to drown out the rest of the world entirely.

23. Download incredible self-care apps like Finch. Even those of us here at BAB, who educate on self-care use this and give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!

24. Watch “Try Not to Laugh” or “Try Not to Sing/Dance” Challenge videos on YouTube. You’ll probably accidentally break at least once and that’s half the fun! ;)

25. Our go-to favorite: try to laugh without smiling. If nothing else, this video of several trying to do so will bring immediate joy: CLICK!

26. Watch oddly-satisfying compilations, ASMR videos (if they’re enjoyable/safe for you), or any other sensorily-comforting activities.

27. Experiment with selfies. Learn to appreciate your self, your skin, your features. Start the journey of being more okay with you. OR! Just take a moment to rock it like you always do.

28. Make pictures out of your freckles, drawings out of your scars, and beauty from your wrinkles. With intention, practice the act of loving the skin you’re in (in a very non-cheesy, Dove commercial kinda way :) ).

29. Hold a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or other comfort item. Run your fingers over meaningful items from loved ones, necklaces/rings, coins, stones, or other special pieces. 

30. Watch your favorite childhood movie - especially if younger parts of you are in need of those positive memories.

31. Scroll through self-acceptance, body positive, or self-love tags online for uplifting encouragement to look after and love the you that you are today.

32. Delete apps that are draining your time, energy, and/or focus. You can always add them back, but try ditching them for awhile to see how it feels.

33. Mute/block folks on social media that are causing you stress or bringing you down.

34. Put your phone on silent, including no vibrate (aside emergency contacts if necessary), for at least a couple of hours. Notice how it feels to be disconnected from that world and engaged with the one directly around you.

35. Go through a folder of saved meaningful comments, emails or personal letters/cards. If you don’t have one of these, create one.
    Start by making a computer or phone folder just for screenshots of nice, uplifting comments/messages received from loved ones; cool moments, replies or follows from celebs or people you really admire; or any special moments that made you feel excited, encouraged or that really touched your heart. Revisiting this treasure trove can really help restore your faith in others but most importantly your love for YOU.

    
    
    
    Medium Effort / Impact
    
    

36. Read a book, any book!

37. Look ahead to your upcoming week/month and see if there are any obligations that you can remove or delegate to someone else.

38. Reach out to a support group/group chat for some positive reinforcement.

39. Wash your face, brush your teeth, take a shower, change your clothes. Sometimes that’s all you can do but it can make you feel SO much better.

40. Take a bath (perhaps using oils, bath bombs, or creating a calming environment).

41. Mild pampering. Do a face mask, paint your nails, shave your face or legs, or do any other caring act toward your body (Any gender! Face masks and nail polish are for everyone!)

42. Stretch. Open up your body. Breathe deep and connect to yourself in your skin. Be present with yourself. (Kundalini yoga can be a style that’s quite pleasant to many survivors.)

43. Wear something you absolutely love or have always wanted to wear, regardless of what others might think/say. This is your life, your body, your aesthetic. Wear it for you. It affects their life path 0%, and yours considerably.

44. Do imagery exercises where you are able to fly, drift weightlessly atop clouds, swim without holding your breath, swing on a trapeze, or be wrapped up in hanging silks, etc. Let yourself feel floaty and breezy in the air or fully supported by something gentle beneath you. Feel the tension leave your body as you transport yourself to this place of suspended pain.

45. Make your favorite meal — no guilt allowed!

46. Go get some fro-yo, ice cream, or other dietary-friendly dessert. We all need a social treat from time to time!

47. Play with bubbles, sparklers, sidewalk chalk, or something else silly-but-aesthetically-pleasing!

48. Remind yourself that: Getting started is the hardest part. “I just have to start, then it’s so much simpler than I am imagining it to be.” The greatest obstacle that most all of us face is getting started. Things are almost never as hard, dreadful, boring, or unpleasant as we think they’ll be. And, after we’re in our groove, we wonder whyyyy we waited so long. Recall all the times you felt this way to motivate you to get started on whatever it is that you need to do!

49. Write a letter to your body — one of love, compassion, thankfulness, respect.

50. Write a personal letter of self-forgiveness.

51. Play an instrument or sing with passion — it doesn’t matter if you’re any good or not, the only thing that matters is you let it come from deep down and just let it out.

52. Do something creative (art, painting, a DIY project, wood-working, building).

53. De-clutter to de-stress. (If this will trigger OCD thoughts/compulsions, perhaps try something else, or instead use the opportunity to specifically work on these thoughts and show yourself the mastery you can have over difficult tasks.)

54. Change your sheets and linens to make a more relaxing space — one that is more fresh and cozy for you.

55. Create the Pinterest dream: get in your most cozy PJs early, find the snuggliest blanket and just curl up for the evening doing something you like.

56. Play your favorite video game.

57. Pull out an old GameBoy, PC game, or childhood board game — dive into some positive nostalgia or let young parts of yourself enjoy a game they know so very well.

58. Specifically listen to music or watch films that will stir deeper emotions. Just let yourself get them out without shame or fear. We all need a good cry and to feel safe enough to express what’s been stuck.

59. Spend time in a bookstore or library, by yourself or with friends.

60. Turn on some pumped up music and just dance, rock out, sing, let go — shame free.

61. Go to a park to swing on swings, go down a slide, climb the monkey bars. Tap into younger you and give yourself the gift of carefree fun without any fear.

62. Try various guided imagery scripts, progressive muscle relaxation, or do your own personal imagery routine. We even have some examples here to manage physical or emotional pain.

63. Do children’s activities (for young alters or your inner child): read children books, watch cartoons, enjoy Disney movies, color with crayons, play with matchbox cars or dinosaurs, build a fort, get creative!

64. Remove current triggers from your environment.

65. List some new goals — both short term and long term. (Make ‘em SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)

66. FaceTime/Skype with a loved one you haven’t seen for spoken to for awhile.

67. Play a sport or do a physical activity you love (even if you’re no good at it anymore!). It’s all about reconnecting to that joy and sense of identity more than it is about having a successful endeavor.

68. Work with your hands outside: gardening, re-potting plants, planting new ones, raking leaves, etc. Connect with the earth and your body. Reflect on the nurture you’re giving to these living things and remind yourself of the own vitality you deserve, and how it needs to be restored from time to time, too.

69. Take a hike, walk through the woods, stroll along a beach - somewhere away from the busyness of the world - to have some alone time with you, your thoughts and all of the nature.

70. Go for a long drive. Blast music. Roll the windows down.

71. Submit your rent or pay your electric/cable/phone/car insurance bills. Scratch them off the to-do list and get them off your mind.

72. Make that doctors appointment, schedule the dentist, prepare to see the GYN, plan for that surgery — take that scary step of caring for your health and body. Make those calls. You’ve got this. Your body is counting on you.

73. Buy yourself an item that isn’t a basic necessity. It’s so nice to have a few items just for joy or entertainment.

74. Schedule body-healing appointments: a massage, fitness class, acupuncture session, beauty treatment, or other self-soothing service.

75. Return the voicemails, emails or other correspondence that are presently overwhelming you.

    
    

    
    
    Higher Effort / Impact

76. Say NO to something causing you distress. Feel the way you are taking control of your life and notice the strength in your voice.

77. Consider a week-long social media detox.

78. Try disallowing last-minute cancelling for a week or a month. Remind yourself how amazing you feel when you get home from something you so badly wanted to back-out from. Remind yourself that while the thought of cancelling can feel exhilarating, it almost NEVER feels as good as the pride and happiness you feel when you’ve conquered it or know the great memories you just created. 

79. Plan to attend a concert, Broadway or theater show, comedian, TEDTalk, or author on a book tour. Pick something really important to you and carve out that time with intention.

80. Join a painting, wood-working, photography, creative writing, graphic design, or other class. Connect with your community while trying something new.

81. Rearrange your room or most-used living space. Shake things up and make it an environment that really honors what you need from a room you spend so much time in.

82. Journal. Express what’s on your heart and mind. Honor that and give it a voice. Then contain it neatly within those pages so that you can walk away from it when you need.

83. Write letters of gratitude to loved ones. Make this one that you would truly send to them. Make it an exercise in vulnerability, safe attachment and building lasting relationships.

84. Plan future visits with friends and incentivize yourself to follow through.

85. Spend quality time with your kids — pressure free, totally organic, just enjoying their company.

86. Plan a mini-vacation, weekend getaway, staycation, or at-home break. You need and deserve to recharge.

87. Experiment with fun, different hair colors and/or cuts. Try mixing up your clothing style. Really find yourself while also challenging yourself to see if there’s anything there you didn’t know was hiding inside.

88. Plan out new tattoos, body modifications, etc. Embark in the act of self-love and identity-building. Take control of your body safely and in a way you’ve never possibly gotten to before.

89. Complete a body map. Or several. (Examples: Here and plenty more in the book You Are Here.)

90. Go swimming, float in the tub, try a float spa, etc. Go somewhere where you can truly feel more weightless, with no pressure on your body. Bask in that lightness and feel what a wonderful thing you’re doing for your body.

91. Try kickboxing, martial arts, jujitsu, etc. Get out all the anxiety, fear and anger. Feel strong and empowered in your body and what it can do.

92. Experiment with safe touch. Use feathers, cotton, string, fingertips, light scratching, something cool, something warm. Drag them across your skin in varying places. Connect with your body and appreciate its ability to distinguish such subtle changes. Notice how different areas of the body read that stimuli differently. Try to self-soothe with the kinds of touch that you discover feel nice.

93. Similarly, experiment with safe sensuality. This can be a terrifying concept for so many survivors. Becoming more comfortable with your body in a controlled, empowered way - with agency and self-love - can start to dilute so many layers of conditioned fear-response or shame. Appreciate your body as your own, no one else’s; notice what it can do, feel, sense, desire - all at your direction. Recognize that it’s safe, healthy, secure, and all YOURS. In time, consider opening this exploration up with a trusted partner/spouse.

94. Make a commitment to take care of your body in every way. Delineate a plan that includes exercise, proper nourishment, cessation of self-harming behaviors, therapy, a consistent medication regimen, healthy relationships, meaningful productivity, FUN, and so much more. Try to strive for balance and observe the areas you are lacking. List ways you can combat this.

95. Research that new doctor, dentist, therapist, or clinician you’ve been needing to find. If you are currently with a provider you frequently cancel on, don’t feel listens to you, makes you feel bad about yourself, or isn’t helping you achieve your goals, make a plan to end care with them and have a replacement lined up. No longer accept sub-par or harmful treatment. You are hiring them. They are paid to work for you. If they are failing as your employee, let them go. You deserve more.

96. Volunteer somewhere that really speaks to your heart. Whether that is an animal shelter, soup kitchen/food pantry, after-school program, services for low-income or homeless individuals, or a charity like ours, find what really stirs in your heart and makes you feel like you’re fulfilling a greater life purpose.

97. Connect with a sense of spirituality if you have one or desire one. Take time to explore prayer, listen to spiritual/religious music, read books or articles, attend a service or group, etc. Carve out the time to make this possible in a meaningful way. If you have a very complicated relationship with anything spiritual or religion-based, just take the time to instead connect to the aspects of yourself that are bigger than just your thoughts/actions. Explore what makes you, you — whether that’s your soul, essence, energy, spirit, or some other nebulous idea. Spend time with yourself in a way that really takes into consideration your place in a more vast universe.

98. Write a letter to your younger self (or selves). Express forgiveness, love, and understanding for young you. Give those parts of you comfort. Tell them the things you wished someone had told you at that age. When you are ready, be detailed and specific. Allow the most wounded parts of your being to feel the compassion, respect and understanding you have for them today. Give them love. Be the person you needed when you were younger.

99. Learn a skill. Increase your sense of self-sufficiency. Learn to sew, change a tire, unclog a drain, repair electronics, change your own oil, do your own taxes, navigate public transit, photoshop, etc — you name it!

100. List all of the things you’ve already gained or COULD gain from giving up self-harming, self-disrespecting or suicidal behaviors. Compare and contrast those to what engaging in them currently provides. If you have not created a safety plan or established a personal “triangle of choices”, create one of those.

101. Set boundaries with those in your life who really need firmer boundaries — even those for whom it is very difficult to do so. Be firm, clear, specific and confident. You can also be kind and compassionate, but don’t allow that to cloud the non-negotiability of these terms. Whether this is done in the form of a letter, email, phone call, or face to face discussion, know your limits and then set them with others. You deserve it. You require it. And you can do this.

Bonus acts of self care:

⤞ If you’re currently in a job that’s harming your mental health, a home that’s causing health issues, a relationship that’s breaking down your self-esteem or worth, a location that’s not safe for you or doesn’t have what you need, or you’re in a place where you don’t have access to the resources you need to not only survive but thrive — strongly consider all of your options to change these circumstances. Explore services that could help you find solutions if you don’t even know what those might look like. You don’t have to do this on your own. 

⤞ Get a brand new pet or look into training a service animal.

⤞ Send us an email, fill out an application, reach out in the comments. Feel our support, care and love. We are here for you!

Don’t forget to share your go-to acts of self-care with us and other survivors below!
You may unlock the answer to a specific ache in someone else!

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

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Dissociation and Survival vs. Living: A Survivor's Story

 

A CSA Survivor's Relationship with Dissociation, Survival and Living:

     
    "There are many things I wish I could help people understand about childhood trauma; this just happens to be one I hear very little about. Like many survivors, I struggle to hear sentiments like, "Oh my! I'm so so glad that's over now and you got through it!", "I can't believe you got out of that alive. I couldn't even do that now! I'd give up," or "At least you know your worst days are behind you. You know you can conquer anything!". Even resources and groups for trauma survivors, as well as therapists and clinicians, can share quips like "You survived the abuse, you're going to survive the recovery!". While these things intend to uplift or highlight our strength, they all categorically deny the fundamental mechanism that allowed us to survive in the first place, and why adulthood is the real hard part: dissociation.

    Make no mistake, those of us who endured trauma as children are courageously strong. We were forced to be tougher than most; and, by nature or necessity, we became resilient, creative and sharp. But Little Me didn't even experience the bulk of the trauma back then. I wasn't connected to the physical pain or sheer terror; I wasn't incapacitated by shame, disgust or uncleanliness; I wasn't aware of the immorality, nor was I having a crisis of conscience. I also didn't even know who was hurting me for much of my childhood - parts of my mind did, but not me. Little Me wasn't facing the anger or the blistering sting of betrayal from those I loved most hurting me in such inhumane ways. I wasn't yet aware this was abnormal or something that could make me feel alien or 'different' from my peers. I was numb, I was hyperfocused on the things I could control, and I was even made to feel special or self-confident in certain areas very early on. While some of that confidence dwindled over time and I became more aware of my unhappiness and "irrational" fears, none of that compares to what you imagine a tortured child feels — let alone what I was about to feel later in life.

    That suffering is here now. Adulthood is when all of it breaks through and confronts you with a vengeance. No, the abuse is not "over", it is not "behind me", it is not "something I got through". As far as my mind and body are concerned, it is NOW. It is very alive and in full-effect. Each excruciating detail of physical pain, disgust, and revulsion; every tidal wave of anger at those who knew and did nothing; each immobilizing shockwave of new material that re-writes my entire life story from how I once knew it. THIS is when my survival is tested. I am hypervigiliant, terrified, exhausted, unsure if I'm even real. I exist in hollowing spaces of grief for Little Me and the life I should have had. ...lost in an endless state of confusion, horror, disbelief and dismay. It is all day. THIS is live trauma in my brain and body. THIS is my battleground, and I am fighting for my life NOW. As an adult, not as a child.

     Furthermore, the dissociative process not only contorts the timeline of when we experience our trauma, but dissociation as an independent symptom challenges life as an adult, too. (..even beyond the forgetfulness, memory gaps, driving troubles, safety, maintaining a job, etc.) One of the most critical elements in trauma recovery is establishing healthy relationships and improving our overall worldview. It's very hard to want to carry on when all you've known is the absolute worst of mankind. Being able to look around, connect, and believe the world is still good is vital to our sanity, safety and healing. But, dissociation challenges this. It can dull your senses, leave you numb to positive feelings, keep you at an emotional distance from love or affections shown to you. It can keep you trapped in a surreal in-between state of both the past and the present -- where you respond to what's happening today with the same emotional maturity you had as a child. Emotional flashbacks, unexpected triggers, and other sudden symptoms that crop up - particularly in intimate relationships or the more meaningful aspects of life - can complicate joy and frustrate those in your life. But most of all, no one wants to just "be alive", we want to LIVE. Fully and authentically, with all the vibrance and richness available to us. But, dissociation has a way of diluting and blurring the world - stripping it of its color and beauty. How do you hold onto a light that you can barely see, feel or trust is even there?

    Like most all means of sheer survival, dissociation has its pros and cons. Just like chemotherapy and emergency surgery, they can keep you alive, but there are risks. They're also unpleasant in the moment and, separate from the conditions that necessitate these interventions, they alone carry longterm consequences. But, without them, you wouldn't be here -- so it's a constant tug of war with perspective and gratitude. Dissociation is no different. It got me through. It saved my life. It gave Little Me a fighting chance. But it also made life after abuse so darn difficult. Because, I should feel free. The abuse has ended, I am safe. I should be dancing and singing and holding everything I love dear to my chest. But instead, now is when I fight. Now is when I stare down my trauma, my innocence, my perpetrators - all with adult intellect and understanding - and try to decide if this life is worth living and if I'm up for the task.

    It is worth it. And, I am up for the fight. I'm going to do this and will do it with grace and strength. But then, and only then, can you say I survived the impossible or that 'it's over now'. This is the battle. ..and not for just survival, but for life. To make this existence meaningful now. I get the autonomy of choice today, not just be along for the ride. I get to choose Life and choose Me each day. The fight is no longer to endure the day, just see the next one - or go through the motions while feeling trapped here - but instead to fill each one with things of meaning and substance. Things I GET to do.

    I get to discover texture and nuance, vibrance and stillness, range in opacity and brightness - all for the first time. I get to engage with the world like a child, but it's in my control and at my direction (..aaand with the cheat code of adult freedom!). There is so much to learn and discover, so much I've not tasted or touched, and I get to be excited by that prospect. Trust it. Grow from it. Share it with another. I am going to conquer this. The trauma, the feelings, the defeat, the difficult relationships, the dissociation. I will also remain appreciative of what dissociation made possible for me, despite its thorns. I want Young Me to get credit for surviving the horror. But I want Adult Me to get credit for not only surviving additional anguish, but for learning to LIVE, too.

 

 

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
✧ Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

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