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An In-Depth Conversation with Elizabeth Vermilyea

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   If you've worked in the field of trauma and dissociation for any amount of time, the name Elizabeth Vermilyea will likely be very familiar to you. For survivors new to their healing, you may not know her by name, but you've most certainly been using her tools and symptom management skills! In part due to her own humility and unassuming disposition, it's quite possible to be unaware of the impact of Elizabeth's work, despite having benefitted from it for years and years. If learning the detailed process of containment, modulation, healing pool/healing light imagery, or the more welcoming takes on internal communication, sounds familiar to you -- you have her to thank for that!

   Elizabeth's workbook, "Growing Beyond Survival: A Self-Help Toolkit for Managing Traumatic Stress" truly revolutionized the way that trauma survivors could not only learn about their conditions, but explore a variety of tools to alleviate their suffering at the same time. An unintimidating and easy to understand look at complex trauma, it allowed survivors to really work at their own pace. Clinicians were also given a new language with which to explain coping skills to their clients, and most importantly, a chance to work on them together.  Elizabeth's message of educating with compassion and warmth, and always including survivors in the process, has remained steadfast throughout the years and is a lasting legacy on the community. Through her continued work in the field, she keeps the momentum of trauma education and care headed in the right direction -- always focused but empathic.

    It is our absolute honor and privilege to bring to you an in-depth interview with someone we admire and value so deeply. You'll get a chance to learn more about Elizabeth's personal journey, her experience weeding through the at-times tepid and contentious world of trauma, and also explore the past, present and future of trauma care! We sincerely hope you enjoy!


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Let’s start with some background for those who are being introduced to you for the first time.

・Where are you from/currently residing? Where did you attend school and what did you earn your degree in?
How long have you been practicing and in what capacity do you currently work with trauma survivors?

     I was born in Raleigh, NC, and I currently live in Napa, CA. I don’t like to focus on schools and degrees because I don’t think they tell us anything about who someone is. Suffice it to say, I’ve spent a great deal of time on my education, but I really learned the most from the people I’ve worked with over the years both as clients and colleagues. Currently I do not treat survivors, but I do train and consult with professionals and survivors alike. My consultation with survivors focuses on managing traumatic stress symptoms.

 

・What made you interested in pursuing trauma disorders? Did you always know you wanted to focus here, or was it something that found you?

     I like to say that I tripped and fell into this work, and then fell in love with it. I had intended to become an experimental psychologist. My first job out of college was at the Masters & Johnson Sexual Trauma program at River Oaks in Louisiana, and I got that job after sending out resumes everywhere I could. They were the ones who called back! It didn’t take long for me to realize that I wanted to make a career in the trauma field.

 

・When did you come to understand the full impact of complex childhood trauma vs. trauma as an adult? What was your introduction to dissociative disorders like?

     My work at River Oaks was my introduction to all of this. I remember going home one night in tears after having heard some horrific stories of abuse at the hands of a man’s parents. I found my mom and said, “Thank you for not abusing your power over me.” I realized how much that relationship means, how it can be twisted, how it can torment a child. Most of the clients in that program were diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, so I learned a great deal there. The program took a relational approach to the work, and I appreciated that. It wasn’t so hierarchical or tied to the strict medical model.

 

You began your work in this field over 25 years ago — a time where dissociative disorders were even more heavily stigmatized, disbelieved and could even be used to question the integrity of the very clinicians who supported their existence.

・What would you say the climate was like when you were first starting out? Did you face any particular challenges — clinically, interpersonally or even within yourself? 

     I started this work at the beginnings of what would become known as the recovered memory debate era, but I didn’t encounter much of that controversy until I moved to Baltimore and began working at Sheppard Pratt in their Trauma Disorders Program. Across town was Johns Hopkins and Paul McHugh who staunchly denied that recovered memories could be valid and that dissociation was real. The climate among those of us at Sheppard Pratt was one of dedication to the cause and to believing people. When I was starting out, the challenges I faced were related to understanding that horrible things are done to people, but that doesn’t mean the world is horrible. Holding those truths together is an important part of the work for all of us. More challenges came later when I began to chafe against the medical model and hierarchy in the treatment arena, and especially the “once a patient always a patient” mentality.

 

・When did you decide you wanted to write a book? And not just an informational or educational book but specifically a workbook for survivors?

     For several years I ran a PTSD Symptom Management group at Sheppard Pratt. I used to create worksheets because there weren’t any around that met the needs of the clients and my needs as a helper. Over time, I had a rather large portfolio of these worksheets. My colleagues and the clients started telling me I should write a book. So I began.

 

・Were there any unique obstacles to getting it published? Did you ever have any reluctance or hesitation, particularly given the atmosphere back then?

     Getting the book published was an incredibly serendipitous series of events. I was meeting with Esther Giller, the President and CEO of Sidran Institute, a publication company specializing in traumatic stress education and advocacy. Let me see if I can remember it the right way. She was looking for someone to come on board as a trainer for a Federal Grant project she was involved in. At the same time, she was looking for someone to produce a self-help symptom management book for a project being underwritten by the States of Maine and New York who were embarking on a massive training effort in their public mental health systems. This is a long story, but a good one.
     Survivors in the State of Maine had sued the state saying not only was the mental health treatment they received not helpful, but worse, it was hurtful. So the State handed down a consent decree that all state mental health personnel be trained in what is now called Trauma-Informed Care. This was the beginning! Esther had located professionals to create the material for training personnel (the good folks at TSI CAAP – Karen Saakvitne, Laurie Ann Pearlman, Beth Tabor-Lev, and Sarah Gamble – who wrote the Risking Connection Curriculum), and they also wanted material for the clients. That’s where I came in. I left Sheppard Pratt to take the training job at Sidran, and Sidran published the book, which was then distributed to survivors in the Maine and New York public health systems for free. I’m really proud of that.

 

Your workbook, whether you know it or not, truly revolutionized trauma care on the patient level. Worksheets were printed out on trauma units, weekly inpatient groups were held to teach your skills, your techniques and scripts became the go-to standard for coping with specific symptoms, and survivors in countries across the globe use your tools by name (sometimes not even knowing where they came from or having read your book)!

・Did you ever anticipate that your work would have such a profound impact or global reach, let alone become the foundational launchpad for which survivors worldwide would begin their trauma healing? 

     I am humbled beyond words by what you’re saying. I can tell you when I did the second edition I felt really good that there was still an interest in the book and that it was still useful thirteen years after the original publication. It’s mind boggling to think it has the impact you describe. I guess I have to take your word for it! I really felt I had arrived on the day a friend told me her book had been stolen! I replaced it for her, but for someone to steal it… it must be valuable!

 

・What has it meant to you seeing your work, and not just your book but your advocacy and education in all forms, fill such a massive void in the trauma community?

How does it feel knowing most has stood the test of time?

     Like most people dedicated to this work, I feel good about being able to educate, support, help, advocate, and hopefully change for the better the process of healing for trauma survivors. I know that every professional I am able to help will spread that exponentially outward, and that’s why I do it. I think it has stood the test of time because the material I focus on is universal and not subject to treatment trends. I want to offer something that can help everyone every time.

 

・What would you say is the biggest change you’ve noticed in the field of trauma since beginning your studies (ex. education, the approach to care, general attitudes toward trauma/dissociative disorders, etc)?

     The biggest change I’ve seen is the mainstreaming of trauma-informed care. There used to be a handful of treatment centers providing good treatment, and now, thanks to the Adverse Childhood Experiences (A.C.E.) study, there’s a deeper understanding of trauma as a public health issue. Even Oprah has got on board recently! I’ll be working with the Oregon Commission for the Blind next month because they want to better serve traumatized persons in their vocational rehabilitation programs. That’s huge! If you Google “Trauma Certificate Programs” you can find them all over the country. That’s amazing!

 

・What areas do you feel still need significant improvement? Is there anything you feel is almost missing entirely? What changes would you like to see be made in those areas?

     We need to improve the awareness, understanding, and addressing of the intersections of trauma with addiction and the criminal justice system. These intersections are at the heart of recidivism in both arenas. We have to keep showing agencies and organizations what’s in it for them and how trauma-informed practice can support and enhance their existing work. Essentially, we have to sell it.

 

・Do you have any colleagues or mentors that you really look up to or admire?

     Oh gosh, too many to name. I can tell you one person who had tremendous influence on me professionally. Her name was Andrea Karfgin, and she was a psychologist. She died several years ago, but she lives on in me. She taught me how to think about this work, how to understand really important dynamics in the work, and she guided me through tough lessons as a professional. I hesitate to mention other names for fear I’d forget someone. I worked with a number of survivors who were brave and trusting enough to let me into their inner worlds and allow me to walk with them into the wider world with more confidence, faith in themselves, and stronger boundaries toward life beyond survival. I’ve had many colleagues who were instrumental in shaping my professional development. I’ve had the privilege to work with some of the most respected people in the field and to have worked with the amazingly skillful lesser-known warriors for survivors. What I love is that I keep meeting people in the field who continue to inspire me and who keep me on track. I am so grateful that I get to do this work.

 

・What keeps you going after sitting face-to-face with some of the darkest, heaviest tragedies this world has had to know? What keeps you focused, rejuvenated or inspired?

     In the beginning I wrote a lot of songs to process what I was seeing, feeling, and understanding. I would play music for the clients in the evenings, sometimes songs about them and their struggles and strengths. That helped a lot. I keep a guitar in my office in case any of my staff need to sing the blues. Laughter is important and has always been a way for me to rejuvenate. We have to be able to laugh in the midst of awareness of such pain. I’m fortunate that people put up with my goofy humor. What helps most though is that with every workshop I do, I encounter people who believe, who want to help, and who are eager to learn how to be more effective in the work. It gives me such hope!

 

・·Do you have any advice to new, or even veteran, clinicians who are seeking to work with trauma patients?

     Do your own work. Get a good clinical supervisor. Make friends with countertransference. It will help you through so many confusing moments, and being able to notice it, understand it and use it to strengthen the relationship will be helpful and a huge protection when facing ethical dilemmas. Cultivate a good support system. Pay attention to and address signs of vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue and secondary traumatic stress. TAKE VACATIONS!

 

・What is the biggest thing you’ve learned from your patients, or other survivors, over the years? What have they taught you that books could not?

     I’ve learned that I can never give up on a person, never write them off, because people are more resilient that we imagine, and we never know when the moment of hope will come - the moment of immersive transformation that gives someone a reason and the will to continue. I’ve learned to trust people’s judgment about themselves. I’ve learned to be kinder. 

 

・If there was one thing you wish the world could understand about trauma survivors, or the clinicians that help them, what would it be?

   There is no “them.” There is only us.


 

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     Thank you, Elizabeth for your sincerity, your thoughtfulness, and your humble dedication to survivors everywhere.

    You can find more information about Elizabeth here on her website. You can also order the "Growing Beyond Survival" workbook here (or here). [Note: While the blue cover edition is still available on Amazon, the Second Edition (green cover) is the most up-to-date and has the most current perspective on trauma, so we of course recommend that one. The first is also no longer in print, but Amazon has held onto some copies.]  We cannot recommend this workbook highly enough. It has been the first recommendation on our Resource page, since the day it was made, for a reason!
 

 

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MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

    Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
    Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
    Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
    Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
    DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
    Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
    Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller

 

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Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light

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Whether you are struggling with physical pain, body memories, illness, headaches, or any of the other distressing symptoms that can come with being a trauma survivor (or someone with a chronic illness) - there are imagery techniques out there that can help alleviate your suffering!  As I'm sure you're well aware, medications do little to nothing to relieve your body of pain it’s reliving from the past.  Conditions like fibromyalgia and other autonomic/nervous system disorders are also highly prevalent amongst trauma survivors, and they, too, show some of the greatest resistance to medications and other external approaches to treatment.  While there are several therapies that can help release your mind and nervous system of these specific types of pain, one solid tool you can use anywhere and anytime, no matter what shape your body is in, is imagery.  More specifically, Healing Pool or Healing Light imagery.

We'll walk you through both of these techniques, but to make sure you have the greatest chance at success, we want to be sure you understand the concept of imagery and how it's used first. (If you're already familiar, you can skip this part and head straight to the exercise!)

Imagery is a coping skill that allows you to picture things in your mind's eye - very vividly and in exquisite detail - to bring yourself and your body to a calmer state. It may be used to relieve pain, put away upsetting memories or intrusive thoughts, contain distressing emotions, retreat to a safer or quieter place, get some desperately needed rest, or just about anything your mind can create.  This is a skill that, like all tools for combatting trauma symptoms, does take practice and is one to experiment with when you don't "need" it. This way, when you're flustered, overwhelmed and unable to think clearly, it's second-nature instead of "some dumb thing that's probably useless anyway".  (Yes, we're very familiar with that rhetoric and guilty of it ourselves when distressed.)  Imagery is a technique constructed around being as detailed, descriptive, multi-sensory, and personalized as possible. Imagining yourself in a place or scenario that holds absolutely zero interest to you, that you have a hard time visualizing, or is even upsetting to you, is NOT going to be helpful.  Commanding the full use of your mind and its senses will engage so many more neurons and ask them to get off the upsetting or painful feedback loops they’re currently on - which is good not only mentally but for your physical health.  So, more detail, more customization toward my preferences and interest, got it!  What else?

Have patience with yourself.  Sometimes your mind is going to wander, that's okay. Sometimes the environment just isn’t going to work well, and you might feel frustrated, but that's also okay.  It's not your fault, or an inability to "do it right", or "never going to work".  Your body may be under a lot more distress than can be managed at that moment or it’s a visualization that just isn’t tailor-made for these symptoms. If for any reason it's making things worse, perhaps there's something triggering about the scene you chose that you hadn't even considered.  Or, particularly for those with DID, maybe there's a part of your mind who has misgivings about allowing you to feel comfort or make the pain "go away".  (Even if you don't have DID, some aspect of your mind may still feel this way.)  This happens sometimes.  It doesn't mean all is lost, that you'll never be able to use this skill, or that your mind is sabotaging you.  You just need to work with that stumbling block and either talk through it or at least find a compromise.

And, finally?  The more you truly believe these skills are working for you - drawing out the pain from your physical body, sealing up those memories nice and tight, slowing not only the intense emotions but your heart rate and tense body too - the better it will work.  If you just go through the pictures in your mind and don't try to connect them to what your body and mind are truly experiencing (whether that’s because you were sure it couldn't possibly touch the level of pain you’re in, were just doing it to tell your therapist you did, think coping skills are worthless, yadda yadda), welp, then, you're right, it's not going to work.  The mind is sooo powerful, and highly susceptible to the input YOU give it.  If you tell your mind you're now feeling differently or that parts of your body are starting to feel numbed or relaxed, it's likely going to believe it at least a little (if not much more) and start to follow suit. (And not just in a hocus-pocus, frou frou kind of way, but instead a well-researched, biological way - based on the new neural connections you helped your body make.)  Trust in it; the more you do, the more success you'll have.  And truly, if you're in distress and just need the madness to pause, or the pain to stop, what do have to lose by committing your whole self to the exercise?  You've probably tried everything else, possibly even things with serious side effects.  This has zero, so why not give it your all?

Now for the fun part!

 

 

HEALING POOL

Healing pool is just what it sounds like.  It's imagery that relies on a body of water with personalized healing properties to target and alleviate your pain from head to tippy toe.

To start, choose a location that feels the most calming and soothing to you based on the type of pain you’re experiencing and the environment that appeals to your senses.  Nothing is off limits!  It can be a real place you’d like to visit or one you’ve already been and love. Or, you can create a magical, mystical wonderland that’s the perfect fantasy destination for healing. Try to paint the scene as vividly as you possibly can. Is it a tropical oasis?  ..on a beach with crystal clear waters, sand, and an ocean breeze?  Is it in a mythical forest?  ..with a hidden spring, ancient stone fountains, and tall woodland trees all around you?  Is it in a rainforest or Hawaiian escape?  ..with tall, cascading waterfalls emptying into a warm, quaint natural pool?  (Hey, it can be magic, remember? That pool doesn't need to empty out somewhere else just because there's a waterfall leading in!)  Or, do you prefer something in a colder climate? A northern, mountainous retreat with perhaps a hot spring bubbling up, or a cooler lake to calm the aching? If none of these known environments are pleasing to you, you can even leave this world behind and be on your own planet, in a futuristic world, or high atop the clouds in a land with its own prodigious body of water. Creativity in imagery knows no earthly bounds!

Once you've chosen a general landscape and water source that is perfect for you, go deeper still into that world.  What do you hear?  Are there birds or other animal/nature sounds? What kind? Are they quiet and sporadic or filling your ears like music? Does the water itself make a trickling sound, have crashing waves hitting the shore, or does it bubble as it waits for you to enter? What do you feel? Is the air warm? The hot and muggy kind? Sunny but breezy? That still and "just right" feeling? Or, is it instead cold, clear, crisp and refreshing? Now, what about the time of day? This may change each time you return, but is your healing hideaway in the invigorating daylight, amidst the beautiful colors of a sunset, or is this a moonlit dip in the water?  (You can try all the above in future visits!) Now, return your focus to the water.  This is your healing water - not just any old water. Does it have a special color? Does is glisten or sparkle? Does it have any billowing mist coming off of it? Perhaps it's not even earthly water, and instead a mystical, dry ice-like fog?  Or, maybe it's more like a warm liquid gold? Maybe crystal blue ocean water with iridescent ribbons of light eager to heal your pain speaks to you? The possibilities are endless!

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Now it's time to get in.  We know when you’re in terrible pain and agony, the urge to just jump right in and submerge yourself immediately can be so intense - anything to stop the pain immediately. But, this technique actually works much better, and for longer, if you can gradually go through each part of your body, one at a time - really feeling it take effect not only in your mind, but in your skin, muscles and bones. Some may even witness the coloring in their skin shift through different techniques as their body responds as though this were entirely real. So, go slow and commit yourself to experiencing the variety of sensations; relief will find you much more completely.

Go ahead and stick your toes in. What happens? Does the water change color? Make a sound? Begin to draw the pain out of your body, dissolving it as it hits the water? Is it cold on your toes - almost making you shiver or giving you goosebumps? Or is it so warm and inviting - everything you ever hoped to be - stirring an audible sigh of relief at first touch?
Now, go ahead and let it cover your ankles.  Wiggle your toes around and paddle your feet, remembering that this is YOUR healing water, no one else's. It knows just what you need.
Move further still, putting your calves in. Notice them relax, surprising you at just how much tension they were holding while you were totally unawares. Give your legs another kick, pushing and pulling against the weight of the water, feeling it whisk between your legs as they pass each other. 
Scoot further in now and let it cover your knees.  Spend some extra time here and let it fully soothe your tired legs and aching joints. Notice how incredibly weightless they feel. It's quite possibly the best feeling you've ever had.
Slide in now and feel the water come up over your thighs and up to your hips. It's not too hot or too cool, it's exactly what your body craves, almost as if it was pulling you in. Notice your legs just completely melt, almost wishing to release a sigh of their own. It's as if not only the healing properties but the water itself goes straight through your skin into every tissue, cell and fiber of your body, drawing out every ounce of hurt or exhaustion in your poor, tired legs. They feel almost euphoric in the release.
Go in up over your tummy and up to your ribs now.  As a wave of relief washes over you, even the coloring in your face changes and the tension held in your pained expression relaxes. All the nausea and cramping and pain - any body memories or low back pain - it's all just drawn out of you and replenished with a level of comfort you didn't even know was possible. Cooling, numbing, calming every inch, while warming and softening other aching muscles.
Go ahead and let your arms start to fall in now.  After your fingers dip in, it's only natural to want to play with the water. You've never been in anything like it! What does it feel like? Does it swirl? Can you pick it up, does it change when you hold it in your hands?
Now sway your wrists and hands through the water, pushing and spreading it out. See how cramped and pained your hands were? You maybe didn't even notice in all the rest of your body's aching. Or, maybe they were swollen and rigid and tense and this was exactly what you wanted. Spend extra time on them. Now you can open and close a fist without pain, wiggle your fingers loosely, and dance in the water without pressure or restriction. They feel FREE!
Drop your arms until the water covers your elbows - now able to stand completely comfortably, your shoulders more relaxed. Take a nice deep breath. Do you want to keep walking around in it now - free to twirl in a circle - or, would you rather sit on an underwater stone or rocky ledge and just take it easy?
Either way, dip yourself slowly lower until the water is up to your collarbone.  Feel your chest cavity expand and the fresh oxygen rush into your lungs.  You'd been holding your breath for so long in the pain and you're now invigorated with such clean, healing air. You didn't know your lungs could open so far! Notice your heart rate slow and steady. And the PAIN held in your heart and chest, the spaces between your ribs - all of that weight from such emotional anguish and hurt - it just dissolves.  ...almost as if the healing water swirled around inside of you and gave your heart a warm, loving hug. Stay here as long as you need. This is so important.
When you're ready, cover your shoulders - possibly relaxing back against a cozy ledge.  Goodness, it's like your whole body has become jello now. Some of those last bits of tension are melting away and releasing the hold on you they'd had for so long. Take another deep, deep breath. Close your eyes if you want to.  And, now it's up to you if you want to take your head under or just splash some on your face instead. If you have a headache or migraine, I'm sure you almost can't wait. If you don't want to go under, that's okay, too. Just being close, or rinsing your face can be more than helpful.
If you decided to dip yourself under, go ahead.  Good news is that in this healing pool, you don't have to worry about holding your breath. Just let the water relax your jaw, smooth away the creases from your brows and forehead once contorted from pain. Feel it draw out all of the throbbing, aching, pounding, or sharp pains in any and every part of your head. Your thoughts calm and slow, and the worries, memories or awareness of pain just disappear. Everything goes quiet, and feels still. You could almost sleep in the absolute serenity. You're only right here, right now, and it's all you could ever hope to feel. Breathe deep. Spend all the time on you and your body that you need before lifting your head out of the water.

You can decide if you want to stay here and swim, take a nap in this place, or just relax for a few more moments - making sure you truly experience deep, deep healing in even the most stubborn parts of your body. When you're ready to leave you can slowly bring your awareness back into the present, but don't worry, the healing doesn't just disappear. You take at LEAST a piece of it with you for the most sore parts of you, and even more elsewhere. It wants to gift it to you and you’ve already changed a great deal of how your neurology while you were here. It won’t just undo. Over time, if it wears off or symptoms return, you can return. You can come back to this at any time and change any part of it that you need - customizing it for any future aches and pains, headaches, overstress or body memories.  

 

You may need to take a couple extra moments for grounding after coming out of such a calming oasis. If you're heading to bed or doing this before sleep, you're a-okay.  But if you need to return to the regular world, you may need to shake the fog from your eyes and fully connect with your surroundings before re-engaging with life again. So, be sure to orient yourself fully. (If you aren't sure what to do for grounding, good thing we've got 101 Techniques for that!)  But, even though reconnecting with the real world can be undesirable, that doesn't mean the calm, peace, and pain relief found there just goes away! You're more refreshed than you've been in...maybe ever.  Just be sure to fully re-orient, even if that haze seems more inviting.  ;)

 

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Healing Light

Healing Light works in a very similar way to Healing Pool, but it's especially great for anyone who has any kind of uneasiness around water, needs more of a localized "spot treatment", or has a harder time creating more scenic imagery in their mind.  

Just like Healing Pool, this skill is much more effective when you make it as descriptive and detailed as possible - only this time you will mostly need to focus on detailing the light and less so your surroundings. The light can even reach you right where you are sitting or laying right now if you'd like. But, if you want to visit a more soothing environment as you practice this, you are more than welcome to include one and detail it just as we did earlier! It’s all about your comfort and what will maximize the benefits you’ll receive.

So! When it comes to light, the possibilities here are endless. Is it a sun ray that bursts through the clouds and finds you? Is it more like a secret weapon, a thin, pain-zapping laser? Is it more like a glowing orb of light, personalized just for you? Or, perhaps it’s more conical like a flashlight, being emitted from some other precious source that you can turn on and off? Maybe it's no beam of light at all, but more like a dancing, ribbon-y, spritely kind of light flitting through the air. Is there a trail of shimmer or glistening particles that follow it in its magical nature? Is it warming and softening, or cold and tightening? Possibly something more gaseous, or like pressurized ice that can flash-freeze and numb ANY type of pain, seems more satisfying for your needs?
Does it make a twinkling sound, the whirring of a pulsating orb of light, or is it more of a buzzing or zap of a machine as it obliterates the pain? Does the light come in one color or many? Maybe you have different colors for different areas of the body, or a variety of colors and styles dependent on the type of remedy you need for it to give.  Perhaps you have one light that heats and relaxes the skin, another that freezes your pain dead in its tracks, a third that envelopes and "holds" the pain until the throbbing stops, a more aggressive light that shatters the pain into a million pieces and then individually dissolves each one, another that injects coolness through the area like a gel and feels like an internal ice pack, a highly unique one that simply erases the aching entirely as if it were never there, and a super satisfying light that draws the pain out from your body like a magnet or vacuum. You can even have one that incorporates more of a spiritual element, or the energy and care of someone you love, who can offer a special kind of comfort that no one else can. So many options!

Like the slow entry into the water in Healing Pool, it is oftentimes more effective to start with an area of the body that's unaffected - gradually approaching your "target" area so that your mind and body have an opportunity to fully connect this imagery exercise with your actual pain. If you're a fan of those that obliterate and destroy the pain with like dry ice blocks, etc, you miiiight want to give the light a "seeking" function that just cools and nurtures the healthy areas as you begin the process, then let it 'scan for' the most painful section you want it to destroy.  We don't need you feeling like your forearm just got pulverized or flash frozen when it was your shoulder that was waiting for the relief, ya dig? ;)

Okay, so, first!

Visualize in your mind's eye where the light source is coming from. You might even start to feel building anticipation of the relief you’re about to receive. Picture this light source, notice its glow, feel the warmth or coolness it’s emitting, listen to its unique sound.
If it's your head that is throbbing, perhaps allow the light to first hit your spine - releasing and soothing each individual vertebrae as it climbs your back to your neck and head. Allow the healing particles to weave throughout your jaw and mouth, completely relaxing them along with your brows, forehead, and eyes. Then send it to your pounding skull. Let it do there what you’ve desperately been needing it to. Let your mind subconsciously direct it. If your abdomen or low back are aching, maybe show some love to your toes, feet and legs before reaching the pain of your midsection. If it's your shoulders or neck, let the light graze your fingertips and creep up your forearms, triceps and deltoids before tackling your upper body pain and releasing that suffering.

This light is so detailed and meticulous, so specified to you and your needs. It reaches through every capillary, tissue, cell wall, vein and nerve fibre. It knows what you need without your instruction.

Visualize what's happening beneath the surface as it finds your pain. The way it coats, cools, and soothes your pulsating nerves. See the light pierce through all parts of you to find your toughest tissues and muscles, melting them into the greatest relaxation you've ever felt. Imagine how your light sprinkles your skull with tingling, healing properties - how they then trickle through all the wrinkles and spaces and curves of your brain, quieting and soothing not only the aching but all your frenetic thoughts, too. Picture its warming, swirling path to all the cramping and twitching muscles that are remembering something from the past. See it drawing out the inflammation and "darkness" that can feel so heavy when it gathers in your joints, or even in your lungs or heart. It's gone now. You can breathe. You can feel that relief. It may have even felt so good that now you need that light to go everywhere else. That's perfectly okay! Practice that self-care and bathe in that light if that feels right to you. This is your light. No one else's. It's made just for you, for your pain. No one can change it, tamper with it, or even know about it if you don't want them to! This is YOUR healing light.

When you've decided that you are finished, you can watch the light slowly leave your body - taking any last stubborn remnants of pain with it. Take a deep breath knowing that as it leaves, the pain will not just immediately return; it's been healed. Your mind and nervous system have chosen a different path and sent wellness to that area. You aren't just "imagining" relief, you've neurologically and chemically given your body some different instructions. And when life is being a jerk again, you can call on your healing light any time to give your body that relief once more. It is so precious.
 

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These techniques are but a few in a sea of treating ailments and managing distressing trauma symptoms through imagery. There are countless others, like those involving the use of colored “pain water” that fills up the body but is slowly drained out from the heels. Another semi-silly one that is taught in some trauma units is called "flick the pea". In this one, you imagine your pain as a very large sphere (like a basketball or even larger if it feels more massive). You then move that ball away from that area causing you so much distress, toward your arms, shrinking it down in size as it travels, until it's so small (the size of a pea) that once it reaches your fingertips, you can flick it away with a very, very satisfying flick. There's another that is specific for numbing that just involves sticking your finger in an ice cold water and mentally carrying that frozen feeling up your arm and through your body until it meets the pain you’re suffering with. This is one you can often see the color change occur in the skin as your mind registers the chill taking over you.

We have also made a post on Color Breathing, which not only helps with emotions and panic, but pain as well. There is also an introduction to imagery techniques that use dials to help modulate pain, intense feelings, and memories which you can find here.  If you would like us to share any of these in more detail, we can certainly do that. We are planning to make many more articles on imagery - particularly containment skills (for memories, emotions, intrusive thoughts, self-harm urges, etc), but we wanted to be certain to tackle those that help with physical pain first!

We truly hope these skills help! Feel free to expound upon any of them, make them your own, or - if you're just learning - even let your phone or computer read them out to you so that you can just close your eyes and follow along, visualizing as it guides you through! These can also work for anyone, not just trauma survivors! So don't hesitate to share them with friends and loved ones, particularly if they have chronic pain or any chronic illness!  Good luck, and if you have any questions, please ask below or message us!

 

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More Resource Posts You May Find Helpful:

✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
   Coping with Toxic/Abusive Families During the Holidays

  ❖  Article Index  ❖

 

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Nighttime 201: Small Sleep Strategies that Make a Big Difference

  It may seem the techniques that were offered in our Nighttime 101 Guide are a bit more on the advanced side as they compare to what's about to be presented in Nighttime 201.  So, why would they have come first when these are more simplistic, quicker fixes?  Well, we recognize that the techniques mentioned in Nighttime 101 do take a more in-depth understanding and require a greater effort overall, but we really feel that for survivors with Complex PTSD, that approach to sleep is truly your first line of defense. It is your foundation. If you cannot successfully apply some of those tools, your sleep could remain interrupted and fitful - even if you completed every single item on this list.  The tips and tricks here feel a bit more like icing on the cake; things to add to your already-stable base that will improve the quality of the rest you may finally be getting.  It's possible that some of these could actually become a part of your foundation, particularly if they tackle a critical issue that's been keeping you up.  But, for the most part, none of these alone will be the key that unlocks decades of restlessness for you.  They're likely to improve what you've already been working on, tie up loose ends and settle any of the hiccups still causing you grief.  We do, however, think that these tips and ideas can be incredibly beneficial to consider and will still make a world of difference for so many of you.  Sometimes the simplest of steps can make some of the largest differences in this complicated fight for good sleep.
So, here is a list of several additional things you can do that may lead to safer, more comfortable, restorative, and peaceful rest.

  • Make your room, and your bed, an inviting place to be.  If your room is full of clutter, food, your school or work items; or is comprised of drab colors, lifeless pillows, or contains only the bare bones necessary to call it a bedroom?  How is your poor mind ever supposed to want to be there for several hours?  How is it supposed to feel calm and secure and nurtured?  Warm it up.  Make it a place that welcomes you, pulls you in, is a place you want to be.  Keep it decluttered, refreshing, and not too busy.  Try not to bring things into it that wind you up or stress you out -like work or school.  Create a sea of fluffy pillows, cozy blankets, soft colors.  Maybe add a few nice pictures or go real crazy and buy some new drapery that makes it look like you really know what you're doing in there. ;) Try out a simple DIY project that makes you proud of yourself and what you've done with the space.  (And hey, not crafty at all?  All the more reason to create something just for you!  Because not only will you be even more proud of what you were able to make, you'll always be reminded of the fact you believed you were worth that effort! Because you are!)  Even with the smallest of budgets, it's possible to take a space you've sorely neglected and transform it into your perfect, personalized little oasis.  And, this seemingly insignificant change to where you rest your head can actually do wonders for your mind and body - which leads to more Zzz's.
  • Use signs or pictures near your bed to help with grounding.  Put notes and personalized reminders right where you can see them from your space on the bed.  Create a pretty sign for the wall, put a notecard or photo in a frame that stays on your nightstand, decorate the ceiling if you have to!  Make something that has the current year in bold lettering, along with with other grounding or reassuring statements that you need.  Perhaps you need to elaborate further on where you are, how old you are, that you are safe now, a mantra that settles or re-centers you - anything that you know you'll need to see the moment you open your eyes.  So, whether you wake from a nightmare, re-open your eyes as you're drifting, or are wrestling with flashbacks during the night - having those reminders right where you can see them without having to work too hard to find them can really be the thing that helps you until you're in a better place to help yourself.
  • Make a music playlist just for sleep.  The options here are limitless.  Some like calming versions of songs they even enjoy during the daytime, while others go for ambient music made just for sleep, classical sonatas, or even kids' lullaby music.  If you have child parts inside, sometimes an album full of kids' music (or just sprinkling a song or six into your otherwise adult playlist) can be great for all of you as a unit. Whether you find a Fisher Price or Baby Mozart album made with newborns and young children in mind, pretty Helen Jane Long albums, any of Sleeping At Last's instrumental tracks, or songs from your favorite film score; there is such a wide range of music out there that can help you strike a balance between adult and childlike music.  ..no matter which end of that spectrum you'd like to fall on.  Even if you don't have parts inside, you'd be amazed how much lullaby-esque songs can soothe even the toughest of adults, sending them peacefully into dreamland.
    Some individuals prefer there be lyrics, so as to keep their mind engaged and less likely to drift into dark places, while others need zero lyrics because they keep them awake or cause them sing along ;)  Whatever you need is just right and is definitely out there with a little bit of effort!  Change it up weekly if you need, or keep it exactly the same so that your body always knows it's time to rest when you hear it.  And?  If you sleep with a partner who's anti-tunes, the lightest little bit of quiet music from beneath your pillow can still be more than enough to reach you.  Headphones/earbuds are also an option, but we'll hit on those later!
  • Discover podcasts, Spotify playlists, or white noise apps that really appeal to you.  The internet and smartphones/iPods have changed the game in helping people get some sleep - particularly if they cannot staaaaand silence, yet outside noise keeps them up.  Entire Spotify playlists exist just for sleep.  There are apps upon apps upon apps that contain soothing sounds or "white noise" options specifically designed to help you rest easier.  And if music isn't your thing but a flashing TV is too much, podcasts might be your solution.  Find one you love, one that bores you to tears, or is a happy medium between fascinating and something you aren't too invested in - that way you can stop listening and fall asleep without being sad you missed something important.  Podcasts without massive highs and lows in volume or content that could be stressful are most recommended.  Some of us find that the podcast A Way With Words fits that bill nicely :) But there are tons out there for you to discover.
  • Consider buying some darkening curtains/blinds. If you are super light-sensitive or find you're only able to sleep during the day, a set of darkening curtains/blinds can be a lifesaver.  And the good news is, inexpensive stores like Walmart and Target even have some great options now.  We're sure other outlets or discount fabric stores would have even more impressive prices, but you don't have to completely break the bank for darkening curtains anymore.
  • Conversely, buy lighter blinds if you have a hard time waking up or like to sleep all day as an escape.  We all want our blinds closed at night so no one can see in, but if you're prone to sleeping in all day or struggle with depression to the point it keeps you returning to that bed in the daytime - some lighter blinds may be what you need.  A bright, sunny room is harder for many to sleep in, but it also helps keep your internal clock more aware of the time of day - willing you to stay awake.  Staying on a proper sleep|wake schedule during the day can make resting at night a much better experience.
  • Consider going to bed with a full tummy.  We know traditional sleep guides (and whack diet advise columns) insist on not eating an hour or more before bed.  Whether they claim it gives you bad dreams or makes you gain weight, little to no science agrees.  And when it comes to Complex PTSD specifically, for many survivors, an empty stomach can be upsetting for a number of reasons.  Some grew up rather poor and had to go to bed hungry each night.  Others were plainly denied food as punishment or as part of their abuse.  Many survivors have struggled severely with eating disorders, and may even still be struggling.  Some simply just could not eat after trauma when they were young, or wouldn't do so before bed if they thought trauma was imminent because it made them sick.  Alllllll of these reasons and countless others can be terrible reminders of trauma, pain and sickness - and the simple growl of your stomach as you try to go to sleep can signal to your mind and body that you aren't okay.  Something as simple as heading to bed with a satisfied, or even full, tummy can lead many to feel more secure, and thusly safe enough to disengage for rest.  And, eating a bit before bed can even lead some to just naturally get sleepier, solely because their body is no longer trying to get their attention to tell them they're hungry.  Imagine that!
  • Try not to drink too much right before bed.  Conversely to above, drinking too much before you head to bed can not only make you feel a little sloshy when you lay down, but it frequently leads to that midnight bathroom run.  Sometimes just KNOWING you'll need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night can keep you restless and unable to fall asleep as easily just because you're on alert - anticipating when it's time to "go".  And, above all, once you've had to get up to make that pit stop, it can sometimes be nearly impossible for sooooo many of you to get back to sleep. We don't want that for you.
  • Make sure to listen to what YOU need, not just what someone else tells you is good or bad to do before bed - including us!  There are countless guides out there telling you what to do and not to do at night.  Whether it's the ones that say don't eat before bed, to never sleep with a TV on, not to drink ANY caffeine 12 hours (or whatever arbitrary number) before bed, don't exercise or be active at night, or any other seemingly sound rule -- no rule is gospel.  And that includes ours!  Some can drink coffee RIGHT up until the second they lay down without the slightest disturbance.  Others require a TV on.  And, someone else may not even be able to tolerate laying down without having a huge mug of their favorite beverage first.  Listen to your needs and know that your body may be more or less sensitive to certain things than others'.  No matter what someone else insists is the root of your sleep problems, they might not be right.  And only you can know that.  We provide suggestions based on what we've seen in so very many survivors - but wholly recognize that it won't apply to each and every one of you.  Feel free to pass on those that don't!  You know you better than we (or anyone else out there) ever could.  Try out new things - as you may be surprised by their effectiveness, or your ability to adjust to something you thought you'd hate but really helps - but ultimately do what your body needs.
  • Invest in nicer pillows, throw blankets, or comfort items.  Not only do some of these items make your room LOOK nicer and more inviting, they are actually comforting to your physical body and mind together.  They make you eager to lay down in your now very gorgeous bed.  The sense of being able to flop down on pure comfort, or cozy up in the softest, snuggliest of blankets, just automatically makes your body want to relax and let its guard down for the night. Don't have much money?  Sometimes something as simple as buying some extra stuffing for 3 bucks on Amazon (especially if you have, or want to buy, pillows that zip close) that you can use to fluff up your pillows to your own desired squishiness can make a dramatic difference in the coziness of your bed.  Sure beats a flat and sad pillow. ;)  So Fluffy.  Much Pinterest.
  • Pajamas. In the same spirit, get yourself some nice pajamas or underclothes for sleep -- something you can't wait to get into and that immediately makes you feel ready for bed.  Ragged T-shirts and basic cotton bottoms can get the job done, but if you're really struggling to sleep, sometimes just taking a little more interest in you and what you wear can be a game-changer.  It's also about self-care.  Not only do you just feel snuggly in your nice, new PJs, you also feel taken care of.  ...reminded that you are worth the rest you are about to get.  You are worth more than just that disheveled tee and holey pants you've been wearing for years.  If you have an impossible time feeling motivated to lay down, a new set of nice PJs can make you a bit more eager to get started so you can be in those comfy clothes sooner.  [As an aside, they don't even have to be FANCY pajamas by any stretch.  Sometimes just getting something new is enough.  It feels fresh.  It feels different.  It feels special.  Too many of us have been in the same haggard jammies for yeeeeeears.  A simple item or two can spruce things up a lot and remind you that you deserve to be comfortable.  You're worthy of good sleep.]
  • Linen sprays or fragrance/oils. If you aren't a fancy schmancy homemaker, you might not have even known there's such a thing as linen sprays.  But, boy, are they a thing!  There are so many fragrances you can put on your linens that just call to you - inviting you to breathe them in deeply and just melt into them deeper as you exhale.  Isn't that what we all WANT to feel when we hit the bed for the first time after a long day?  Find a fragrance that does that for you.  The same is true with essential oils or other items that produce fragrance.  Whether you believe in the natural calming properties of various essential oils or not, some of the scents alone can just take you to a nice and relaxed state that speaks directly to you and your needs. 
  • Light a candle a bit before bed that will leave your room with a pleasant aroma.  We don't want you to leave candles lit while you sleep, but sometimes lighting a candle for an hour or so before bed and blowing it out still leaves the room billowing with a fragrance you love.  This is not only calming, pleasant, and/or inviting, it can be really grounding as a strong scent to keep you in the present.
  • Consider purchasing a tiny child's stuffed animal or baby blanket - even as an adult.  It may seem silly, but sometimes that younger you who feels so afraid of sleep can feel at ease by these little gestures.  You're never too old, too cool, or too anything for a stuffed animal or small blanket.  And, if you have internal parts, this simple "gift" can bring such wonderful comfort to you all.
  • Try color breathing before bed or once you lay down.  This is a wonderful way to calm down. Additional breathing techniques, especially those combined with visual imagery, may be equally as helpful if you have one you really like.  You can also create your own technique!  Yes, you are completely allowed to just make something up.  Not every breathing technique has to come from a manual, guide, doctor, or study.  Sometimes you know just what settles you best.
  • Progressive muscle relaxation.  Here is one example, but there are many - some even come with audio recordings to lead you through.
  • Healing light/healing pool imagery for pain.  Healing light and healing pool, along with some other similar imagery-based techniques, can be critical skills in relieving physical pain that could be the root of what's keeping you up.  You can read about those here.  They can also just be so satisfyingly relaxing for mental distress, upsetting emotions, or to just relieve natural tension we all carry.  
  • Consider asking your therapist to make you a voice recording. They aren't hard to do anymore, as just about every smartphone has a record feature that can then be easily sent through email (or even text if it's short enough).  The recording could be a guided imagery, various grounding statements, or just generalized comforting thoughts to lead you to sleep.  Hearing them from your therapist can offer an added layer of security and calm that we can all use as we try to rest our eyes.
  • Positive reinforcements and gratitudes.  We mentioned something similar in our Nighttime 101 Guide, but that was a bit more specific to journaling practices before bed.  This is something you can just do in your mind.  If you are particularly restless, in an anxious or upset place, or just can't stop the recursive self-shaming that your mind wants to do as you rethink the day - consider trying to redirect your thoughts to naming 5 positive things about the day.  They don't have to be groundbreaking, but they're there.  You'll find them even on the worst of days.  Similarly, you can think of 5 or 10 things you're thankful for - in general or even just that day.  For others, you may want to pick 3-5 things you like about yourself or that you did right/well that day.  Challenging other cognitive distortions may be an area someone else needs to focus on.  Whatever you need most, just be sure to flip the script to this tone of thought and you'll be grateful for how much calmer and sleepier you feel.
  • Do some light stretching before bed.  Tension is a jerk.  It causes pain, increases anxiety, steepens depressive feelings, and just plainly makes us miserable. Some slow stretching can get out the excess energy still zinging through your nervous system from the day, while also soothing and calming your body down for the night.  It can loosen stiff muscles, un-pinch painful spots, and send fresh blood throughout your whole system so that your body can more effectively heal and repair itself during your period of rest.
  • Temperature, pets, and outside influences.  There are so many things outside of us that we can't control that keep us up, so anything we can do to tend to them before laying down we should definitely do. Double-check that the temperature will still be comfortable as night falls, your pets are where they need to be (with you or closed away in their sleeping area), family members are aware you're trying to turn down, your phone's notifications are silenced, any TV timers are set, you have any extra blankets or socks you may need already in reach, contacts are out, mouthguard is washed, makeup is off, meds are taken, etc etc.  Literally double-check all the things that could make you have to get up after you've already snuggled in (or worse, already fallen asleep).  Nooooooo one likes having to get up after they've already experienced that first wonderful sigh climbing into bed.  The second time around is never nearly as satisfying, and if you were already asleep, getting back to sleep can be a nightmare on its own.
  • Wash your sheets frequently.  Simple, simple.  Little is more inviting than fresh sheets to make your body feel peaceful and happy when you lay down.  Crumbs, dirt or "stale" sheets aren't exactly the most welcoming invitation for your dreams and sleep.  Wash 'em.  You'll be glad you did.
  • Consider buying a therapeutic pillow or (if you have the finances for it), a new mattress. This is certainly not in the realm of possibilities for everyone - and it's something most of us have all heard plenty of times.  ...but sometimes the solution to poor sleep really does lie within your mattress and pillow.  Given so many survivors with C-PTSD are also sufferers of chronic pain, a proper mattress and pillow that supports your head and neck sufficiently may be what you truly need.
  • Invest in some soft and pliable earbuds. For many, aaany outside noise at all will wake them up or keep them from sleeping.  But earplugs can be unsettling (all you hear is yourself breathing IN your ears), and many headphones aren't comfortable to sleep with.  There are a few companies that make super soft and flimsy earbuds that have little to no hard plastic or metal at least inside your ear - and some even have fairly soft connecting pieces, so even if you laid on your side it wouldn't hurt your ears.  We know that Samsung makes a few, but there are most assuredly other companies out there, too.  This would not only allow you to listen to music/podcasts/recordings/white noise without bothering anyone else (particularly if you have a partner or have to sleep in a more public area for a trip or something) - but for those really sensitive to outside noise, earbuds ensure that you hear nothing else.  The sounds you want to hear just get injected into your ears and fill your whole head with goodness and block out the outside - effectively shutting out the world and leaving you free to get the sleep you need.  Now, some don't mind sleeping on even the hard earbuds (and we recommend giving it a go if you don't mind) - but if you can't take the discomfort, spending a little extra money for the softer ones might let you sleep through the night bot pain- and distraction-free.
  • Look into information regarding blue light or the effect electronics can have on your sleep cycle.  There is now a ton of literature on the way the 'blue light' from our electronics can affect brain activity, but more importantly, how it can alter the cadence of our sleep cycle.  There are various ways to turn this off in our devices.  If this is something that concerns you, something you want to learn more about, or if you just want to learn how to turn it off in your personal gadgets, you shouldn't have to google too far before you find just what you need.  It could make a difference - particularly if you're someone who is more sensitive to it than you ever knew.
  • Get browser extensions that won't allow you on certain apps/websites at certain times.  Ha, yes, they exist out there!  And there are plenty of them - for both computer and mobile - that are designed to meet your specific needs.  These can be extremely helpful in getting you off youtube/social media/gaming websites if you just can't resist or are using them as a distraction to keep you from sleeping.  Many allow you to set the time you need it run as an "every day at this time" function, or require you to turn them on when you need it and set it for hour or more, and most are created to ensure that even IF you uninstall it, the timer will still be in effect until it runs out.  ...so you can't cheat by just getting rid of it!  If you find yourself glued to your phone or computer when you should be sleeping (or working!), you may need to look into these extensions and apps that exist to help you out here.
  • Better waking up.  If you can wake up easier and more smoothly, you're much more likely to be ready to sleep when bedtime rolls around. If you have trouble sleeping TOO long, ignore your alarms, or return to bed during the day, we all know how this disrupts sleep rhythm and leaves you wide awake come nighttime.  When it comes to waking...  Set alarms that have music that MAKE you want to get up - invigorating fun music.  Something that makes you happy.  We don't like the idea of obnoxious, annoying alarms because that just puts you in a bad mood the second you open your eyes.  ...or rather before you've even had a chance to open them!  And that doesn't make aaaaanyone want to be awake.  Start your day off right with something that makes you happy.  And change it often so that happy-fun-new-alarm-that-you-love doesn't turn IN to something you hate! No one likes when a good song gets ruined! ;) Put your phone across the room so you have to get up to turn it off.  Incentivize.  If you get up and stay up, you get to have x treat.  Remind yourself that if you're TRULY that exhausted by late afternoon, you are allowed take a short nap then.  ...but not until you've given the day your best shot for a good while.  You'll be surprised how ready to get up you actually were.
  • Just. Get. Started.  The hardest part of *any* task - absolutely any task whatsoever, including something as seemingly simple as heading to bed - is just getting started.  Once you get up, begin your nighttime routine and start aiming for bed, you'll be baffled by just how ready for sleep you really were. ...no matter how sure you were that you were totally wired and sleep was nowhere in the near future.  Just. get. started.  Once you mentally "turn off" and start heading for the pillow, you'll be consistently impressed almost every night at just how much your body was craving the collapse.   ..even though it was only mere seconds ago that you were convinced otherwise.
  • Give it a shot anyway.  Sufferers of chronic sleep disturbances are no stranger to the losing game of just not being able to sleep, no matter how hard they try.  You can do everything right, but still be awake for ages after you lay down.  But, after experiencing this so much over time, we can convince ourselves so confidently each night that "it's just not gonna happen tonight", because for so much of our lives it really hasn't.  But this kneejerk response to how we THINK sleep will go can lead us to staying up far longer than necessary as we refuse to even entertain the idea of settling down yet.  ...because "we just know".  But our confirmation bias - looking for only the signs that prove we were right - can actually influence what our body believes, and lead it to respond in a way that keeps us running.  WE can be the reason behind why we're still up because we just decided how our body was likely feeling, and it followed suit.  But, sad to say, we're often wrong.  Had we just given it a shot anyway, we would've actually been fast asleep by now.  So, what's the worst that happens if you do give it a shot?  You get nice and ready for bed and it's a no-go.  Oh well.  So you get up or do something in bed and try again later.  But at least you're now cozier in your PJs and physically ready for bed.  So the moment you are sleepy, you can just turn down right away instead of having to "wake yourself up" just to go get ready for bed. ...additionally running the risk of missing the window of opportunity we all know exists.  But hey, the other possibility is that you might actually crash.  You've been trained your whole life to ignore your body.  You'd be amazed (and impressed) by how exhausted and ready for sleep it can actually be without you realizing it. You're very rarely going to regret trying, but you almost aaaalways regret waiting too long to try.  ...especially the moment you go to wake up the next morning!
  • Finally, we can't forget about things like journaling, internal communication, grounding, medication, and more (each discussed in our first post)!  The suggestions here may be a bit easier to apply, but the skills there will be relevant and useful throughout your entire life - no matter where the home you live ing or the path life's taken you.  Give those a look-see and don't forget their importance either :)

  Now it's your turn!  Because so many of these are much simpler, we are certain that many of you have toooons of other ideas just like 'em!  Tell us, and the countless other survivors reading, what you do to get some sleep!  What's the one thing you can't get to sleep without, or has made the biggest difference for you in your journey for better rest?

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If you'd like to catch any of our other recent or informative posts, catch them here:
- Nighttime 101
- Grounding 101
- Coping with Toxic/Abuse Families
- Holiday Survival Guide